Is there anything wrong with being average?!
The other day I remarked to my friend "I wish I were just...Normal". And she replied "Me Too".
It's not that I don't like being unique...it's more that we live in a society where it's best to fit smack bang in the middle of the bell curve...in all respects, or else you tend to attract trouble whether you're on the advantaged or disadvantaged end of the bell curve.
I guess it doesn't really bother me all that much- I think what bothers me is that I've never been allowed to be "just normal"- everybody has always had so many expectations of me including myself...even people who don't know me just have assumptions cos they reckon I have a "smart face". I can't just get out of bed and think "hmmm I'm allowed to be average today".
So I guess that's a deeply embedded psychological conditioning I need to get rid of and definitely not impose on the next generation of Mes (if it comes to that!)
I think it would be really interesting to exist in a world without bias or judgement, at least for a day...everyday, living judgement and bias free...well maybe that could get a bit boring and bland...
29/10/2008 16:48
An Interesting Day: Random Miscellaneae
Another 10 hour clinic. The most bizarre part was meeting the most beautiful lady I've ever seen in my life! Half of me was thinking, if I were a man, lol I would have been totally unable to speak just gawking! The other half of me was thinking...damn I wish I looked like that! LOL
But then again, good thing I don't cos how much time would be wasted looking in the mirror? haha! ;)
No seriously...what really struck me was how strongly I reacted to this beautiful spirit...although she was older than me, she struck me as a small vulnerable, fragile girl...and my immediate urge was that I just wanted to pick her up, hold her, comfort her, give her a big hug and tell her it would all be okay!
This comes back to the seminar I attended last month...the best point made there was that...society in general and the western medical world love to label straight away people as "depressed" or as "having depression"...when really...it is NORMAL to feel sad in reaction to a traumatic life event! I think this just indicates how hopeless and helpless western medicos truly are when it comes to handling depression...that, or else the big pharmaceutical companies are big time schmoozing them to push their products with hasty lack of consideration.
When I told Beautiful Lady this sentiment - that I didn't think she was "depressed", gosh I think that was the best thing anyone had said to her all year! :)
I am so sympathetic after witnessing how certain people can get so Destroyed post a big breakup, but at the same time I also know that it takes a long time to get back on track after a really long relationship cos really, it is very disorienting and takes a lot of readjustment to the mindest...to think in terms of "self" rather than being "part of a unit" is just...weird! At the same time though, singledom is incredibly liberating and I can't say I'm not still loving the Absolute Freedom it entails like Nothing Else :-)!
In other news...I feel like a smoking pot of hash on two legs...or at least I smell like one!!
Shite! After being wafted in moxa fumes all day it's pretty gross...only thing is it's contentious whether one ends up smelling more like hash or pot?! LOL...I wouldn't know...of course ;)
The other really interesting part of the day was the chance to unleash my inner Scientist...I volunteered to guinea pig myself out of curiosity to see if something I read in a book was true...I got someone to needle certain points on me to try and balance my Yin and Yang...SO COOL!
My reaction was really cool- when the first two needles went in my head got very hot and felt like it was going to explode - I got a huge headache - then my eyes started watering as the tear ducts got stimulated- when I opened my eyes my eyes were significantly brighter, less red and vision slightly clearer...later I noticed my leg muscles were also a lot more loose than before...I just love conducting experiments and trying to prove/disprove wacky ideas! :)
24-10-08 22:45
But then again, good thing I don't cos how much time would be wasted looking in the mirror? haha! ;)
No seriously...what really struck me was how strongly I reacted to this beautiful spirit...although she was older than me, she struck me as a small vulnerable, fragile girl...and my immediate urge was that I just wanted to pick her up, hold her, comfort her, give her a big hug and tell her it would all be okay!
This comes back to the seminar I attended last month...the best point made there was that...society in general and the western medical world love to label straight away people as "depressed" or as "having depression"...when really...it is NORMAL to feel sad in reaction to a traumatic life event! I think this just indicates how hopeless and helpless western medicos truly are when it comes to handling depression...that, or else the big pharmaceutical companies are big time schmoozing them to push their products with hasty lack of consideration.
When I told Beautiful Lady this sentiment - that I didn't think she was "depressed", gosh I think that was the best thing anyone had said to her all year! :)
I am so sympathetic after witnessing how certain people can get so Destroyed post a big breakup, but at the same time I also know that it takes a long time to get back on track after a really long relationship cos really, it is very disorienting and takes a lot of readjustment to the mindest...to think in terms of "self" rather than being "part of a unit" is just...weird! At the same time though, singledom is incredibly liberating and I can't say I'm not still loving the Absolute Freedom it entails like Nothing Else :-)!
In other news...I feel like a smoking pot of hash on two legs...or at least I smell like one!!
Shite! After being wafted in moxa fumes all day it's pretty gross...only thing is it's contentious whether one ends up smelling more like hash or pot?! LOL...I wouldn't know...of course ;)
The other really interesting part of the day was the chance to unleash my inner Scientist...I volunteered to guinea pig myself out of curiosity to see if something I read in a book was true...I got someone to needle certain points on me to try and balance my Yin and Yang...SO COOL!
My reaction was really cool- when the first two needles went in my head got very hot and felt like it was going to explode - I got a huge headache - then my eyes started watering as the tear ducts got stimulated- when I opened my eyes my eyes were significantly brighter, less red and vision slightly clearer...later I noticed my leg muscles were also a lot more loose than before...I just love conducting experiments and trying to prove/disprove wacky ideas! :)
24-10-08 22:45
It's all so "Anti-Establishment"!
So the thought of being a university drop-out is starting to comfortably settle in...and the thought of "college" sounds...Awesome!
I just love how they're So Flexible and are Willing to cater to Individuals :-D
It's all so Anti-Establishment compared to my tight-ass roots...I feel pretty....CooL.
*lol
I just love how they're So Flexible and are Willing to cater to Individuals :-D
It's all so Anti-Establishment compared to my tight-ass roots...I feel pretty....CooL.
*lol
Catch 22
just the usual. finally had a chance to see the master chinese doc.
same old story.
Her: "you're doing too much. stop worrying. you need to eat properly. you need to REST!"
Me: "But I don't have time! I have so much to do. I always have some assignment or test. And I still have to cook, clean etc etc..."
She: *sigh*
Me: *sigh*
The things we do to achieve our goals.
I just sure hope all these sacrifices turn out worthwhile in the long run!
10/10/2008 1:27am
same old story.
Her: "you're doing too much. stop worrying. you need to eat properly. you need to REST!"
Me: "But I don't have time! I have so much to do. I always have some assignment or test. And I still have to cook, clean etc etc..."
She: *sigh*
Me: *sigh*
The things we do to achieve our goals.
I just sure hope all these sacrifices turn out worthwhile in the long run!
10/10/2008 1:27am
whinges and rants: selling her soul!
So it's what...1:17am in the morning and I stink and feel really gross cos I have been sitting in this banana chair on the balcony in the moonlight(i needed to make it fun somehow) doing work on my laptop for pretty well 5 hours straight and am totally overdue for a shower - thank goodness I discovered these 9 hour long life tealights!! tomorrow I may try to get some clinic out of the way. saturday i'm helping at a professional seminar. sunday too. next sunday too. and uni and clinic all the other weekdays...argh...this girl so has no life!!!
10/10/08 1:21am
10/10/08 1:21am
Hiccups for the Petulant Child
*sigh*
Today took me back to high school. The all too familiar self-sabotaging Rebel without a Cause.
The "if I don't like/have an interest in something I won't do it!" innate stubborness and lack of discipline in me you'd associate with a small child.
I failed my massage practical. And the worst part is I didn't actually feel that bad about it!
I think recently especially being surrounded by all these Bohemian minded types I'd been very inspired by my new lesson in life of late "following your heart is always the right way" ...and my heart is definitely not in massage...so somehow it felt slightly more "acceptable" because of that!
Perhaps my ego was slightly ashamed but strangely more than shame, I felt a huge sense of relief...I think because failing was the impetus I needed to make me transfer to a program which has no compulsory massage component, and even better somewhere that has more emphasis on my true love...herbs!
The worst part about being inflexible is that when put in situations which are inflexible...you're the one that's gotta fit in or move out! Hence, institutions, corporations, structure and me have to date always been miserable failures...
But really, I'm JUST TIRED. For some time now, I've already been at the point of zero motivation with just about everything study wise...just no energy! So whereas some people might have at least tried to waffle an answer, I just blatantly said the 100% no holds barred truth: "I don't know!"...so really I could only expect him to fail me...
In any case, the teacher was gracious enough to give me a written test to make up for it. But still...I still hate massage everything and for me personally because of my health and constitution and lack of interest in musculoskeletal, I know I will not be using it...I'd definitely outsource that kind of work than try and touch it any day!
Ever the determined optimist, I think I can still be successful without it though...as long as I can get a qualification...somewhere! :)
wednesday 8 october 5:31PM
Today took me back to high school. The all too familiar self-sabotaging Rebel without a Cause.
The "if I don't like/have an interest in something I won't do it!" innate stubborness and lack of discipline in me you'd associate with a small child.
I failed my massage practical. And the worst part is I didn't actually feel that bad about it!
I think recently especially being surrounded by all these Bohemian minded types I'd been very inspired by my new lesson in life of late "following your heart is always the right way" ...and my heart is definitely not in massage...so somehow it felt slightly more "acceptable" because of that!
Perhaps my ego was slightly ashamed but strangely more than shame, I felt a huge sense of relief...I think because failing was the impetus I needed to make me transfer to a program which has no compulsory massage component, and even better somewhere that has more emphasis on my true love...herbs!
The worst part about being inflexible is that when put in situations which are inflexible...you're the one that's gotta fit in or move out! Hence, institutions, corporations, structure and me have to date always been miserable failures...
But really, I'm JUST TIRED. For some time now, I've already been at the point of zero motivation with just about everything study wise...just no energy! So whereas some people might have at least tried to waffle an answer, I just blatantly said the 100% no holds barred truth: "I don't know!"...so really I could only expect him to fail me...
In any case, the teacher was gracious enough to give me a written test to make up for it. But still...I still hate massage everything and for me personally because of my health and constitution and lack of interest in musculoskeletal, I know I will not be using it...I'd definitely outsource that kind of work than try and touch it any day!
Ever the determined optimist, I think I can still be successful without it though...as long as I can get a qualification...somewhere! :)
wednesday 8 october 5:31PM
The Water Between Heaven and Earth
In light of the fact I was pondering the Law of Floods and Droughts the other day, I thought this passage in my study was rather synchronous.
It is a description of the Kidney organ from a TCM perspective by Zhuang Yuanchen:
"The Kidney is the Ocean of the Human Body. Since oceans are situated on a lower level than the earth's streams and rivers, they draw every one of them to form one large body of water. Oceans may appear vast and inexhaustible, yet they still drain off some of their seemingly unlimited supply. One way of drainage is called "going to ruins", meaning the water drains down into the earth from where it will not return. The other way of drainage is called 'dwelling in the stars' meaning the water steams toward the sky and later rains down to earth again, where it dissipates into rivers and streams and eventually returns to the ocean. This is the water that circulates between heaven and earth, always striving to keep an equilibrium between the extreme states of drought and flooding."
03-10-2008 12:23PM
It is a description of the Kidney organ from a TCM perspective by Zhuang Yuanchen:
"The Kidney is the Ocean of the Human Body. Since oceans are situated on a lower level than the earth's streams and rivers, they draw every one of them to form one large body of water. Oceans may appear vast and inexhaustible, yet they still drain off some of their seemingly unlimited supply. One way of drainage is called "going to ruins", meaning the water drains down into the earth from where it will not return. The other way of drainage is called 'dwelling in the stars' meaning the water steams toward the sky and later rains down to earth again, where it dissipates into rivers and streams and eventually returns to the ocean. This is the water that circulates between heaven and earth, always striving to keep an equilibrium between the extreme states of drought and flooding."
03-10-2008 12:23PM
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About This Blog...
- greenjade
- share the thrills (and hopefully no spills) of a mature age student back to school to become a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM).