Hiccups for the Petulant Child

*sigh*

Today took me back to high school. The all too familiar self-sabotaging Rebel without a Cause.

The "if I don't like/have an interest in something I won't do it!" innate stubborness and lack of discipline in me you'd associate with a small child.

I failed my massage practical. And the worst part is I didn't actually feel that bad about it!

I think recently especially being surrounded by all these Bohemian minded types I'd been very inspired by my new lesson in life of late "following your heart is always the right way" ...and my heart is definitely not in massage...so somehow it felt slightly more "acceptable" because of that!

Perhaps my ego was slightly ashamed but strangely more than shame, I felt a huge sense of relief...I think because failing was the impetus I needed to make me transfer to a program which has no compulsory massage component, and even better somewhere that has more emphasis on my true love...herbs!

The worst part about being inflexible is that when put in situations which are inflexible...you're the one that's gotta fit in or move out! Hence, institutions, corporations, structure and me have to date always been miserable failures...

But really, I'm JUST TIRED. For some time now, I've already been at the point of zero motivation with just about everything study wise...just no energy! So whereas some people might have at least tried to waffle an answer, I just blatantly said the 100% no holds barred truth: "I don't know!"...so really I could only expect him to fail me...

In any case, the teacher was gracious enough to give me a written test to make up for it. But still...I still hate massage everything and for me personally because of my health and constitution and lack of interest in musculoskeletal, I know I will not be using it...I'd definitely outsource that kind of work than try and touch it any day!

Ever the determined optimist, I think I can still be successful without it though...as long as I can get a qualification...somewhere! :)

wednesday 8 october 5:31PM