the joy of being a tcm student

Selling your soul to education!!

2011-11-02T02:08:00.002+11:00

So anyway I was reflecting...I've devoted so much of my life to study and learning! I definitely don't think that it is an exaggeration to say that people who pursue intense studies and careers which take years and years definitely sacrifice a lot for their game! The lifestyle it entails is incredibly taxing and the hardship is not able to be understood by people that have never engaged the peculiar struggles or challenges that serious dogged continuous dogged high level studies present and how much they demand and take from you!

So anyway...as I look to get back into "the game" I want to do it with a refreshed LIFE perspective and despite being unlikely to accommodate MUCH life balance I don't want it to be like before...I'm going to have boundaries and not spend all my waking and non waking hours in obsessive puzzling and not give all my energy to others!

And for now I will continue to rest up and refuel recharge so that I can attack it again with better vigour...even if I have lost the "passion" I once had...

2:14AM 11/11/2

Time Out A Good Thing

2011-04-03T11:34:00.002+10:00

It occurred to me while reflecting that although I have really missed being "out of the game", it's actually been a really helpful imposition.

Cos health and healing can actually be an incredibly complex multi-faceted matter, especially when you have a complete holistic TREATMENT as opposed to futile band-aid solutions that will likely cause all sorts of other afflictions approach (lol) that's a definite STAB at Conventional Medicine...

So anyway before what I was trying to do was treat the most COMPLICATED of last hope weird cases which even elude highly experienced and trained specialists...

Boy was I totally underprepared for what awaited me- so now in hindsight this time out has been great preparatory time especially with the deepening of my understanding of what governs health and healing and how it all works! Before it was like I was trying to operate with only 70% of the puzzle!

So anyway since I've been on a timeout I've pointedly avoided engaging in treatment. However I have had various people ask me for consults and whether I have my own business cos they would like to come for treatment :)

I have also treated a professional flautist I met travelling (as a friend just cos I thought she could use some clearing of a bad respiratory residual pathogen that doesn't help her cause) and partially cos she was just so fascinated about my craft.

And with good results :)

Lately I delved back into it for me too- I've dared to take herbals in the form of patent pills again, having recovered from my fear about contamination issues...

Anyway I think it's doing something. Always amazing to realise how potent these thousands of year old empirical formulas are! I hope I'll be all good soon!

Once I get spare time again I can feel my fingers starting to itch...I might give this old guy a call who gave me his details and wants to pay me for a consult and take his in depth case history just to ease myself back into the game.... but it's gonna be at cost(lol)...one dandelion latte after another...Mmmmm :)

11:45am 2011/4/3

The "Knack"...Still got it!!! :D

2011-01-07T22:04:00.007+11:00

So...the other day my mother had major arm pain (tennis elbow to be precise, and lateral epicondylitis to be techy;). This arose as a result of having to cook too much during the festive period and especially lifting too many heavy duty steel pots...

As an acupuncture virgin and complete needlephobe and always somewhat skeptical about mystical forms of medicine she was worried that it might hurt her arm in a way rendering her unable to cook for imminent guests...so I went easy and just did a local treatment with two needles on her opposite unaffected arm...but she was still quite sensitive-expected when that IS the pathology...

However, earlier I had told her to rub some anaesthetising and nourishing herbal liniment in as she was too busy to be needled then, so we couldn't be sure whether her resulting pain alleviation could be attributed in any part to acupuncture at all!

In any case since reading an AMAAAAAZING and INSPIRING BOOK called "Spontaneous Healing" by a Harvard Medical School M.D that discusses the complementary medicine worldview in detail in particular how the body knows how to heal itself and thus many given up for dead or declared incurable by the western medical system defied their "sentences" and got WELL, my mum was inspired to get past her fear of needles and allowed me to do a proper holistic multiple needle point prescription...actually I didn't even take pulse or check tongue cos well...I know her so well I didn't need to- so it was almost like a complete diagnosis and prescriptive treatment by social criteria: character and current circumstances and mindset alone!

She immediately reported feeling incredibly hot all over her body..."That's the sensation of QI"!!! I told her excitedly!

Wow, I think my mum (formerly massive skeptic and massively biased to the western system as far superior) was SO IMPRESSED and between my many stories and her own personal experience of proper acupuncture, I think she is now a ! True Complementary Therapies CONVERT!!YaaaaY!!!! Why so happy? Well cos it means of course that:

I still haven't lost my "Knack"! ^^

which having not been in the game for soooooo long could easily have been the case!

Apart from that success seems inevitable in that the place where I may be residing...soooo easy for me to ply my trade, random people so interested and encouraging...and not only that even in my current locale, random people I get chatting to often ask "do you have a practice?"(as they want to come for treatment...)

Unfortunately I always have to say " No sorry, I'm on the bench for now" :P

But HMMMmmm...maybe I should still hand out business cards to these people cos hopefully I'll be off the bench and practising real soon! :D

22:50 january 7 2011

Long Time AWOL

2010-10-09T00:13:00.002+11:00

I figured it was about time I updated this blog.

So, it's like that scene in The Wizard of Oz where the happy characters get zapped by the Evil Witch of the West and turned to stone- freezeframed for the time being...

And to be honest I seriously miss my craft...in particular the delicious mental candy it provides in the way of mystery and puzzles and encountering people from all walks discussing their most gory and personal moments...

So, I'm hoping I'll get unfrozen soon so I can zap more TCM magic far and wide through the Land of Oz Yet!!!

Anybody able to loan me a pair of shiny magic ruby slippers?

10-10-9

Unpleasant Awareness

2010-06-03T20:43:00.002+10:00

I think the one thing I have really had my eyes opened up to in the healing profession is the frailty and vulnerability of the human condition both physically and mentally.

It's been really hard to come to terms with having stepped out from behind a shield. I never entertained the idea of doing western medicine cos I wanted to avoid having to deal with that whole life and death thing day in day out...but the whole idea is still managing to penetrate my psyche far more than I ever expected it too...I guess this is also part and parcel of growing older.

I preferred the Bubble.

2010-6-3

First Drafts

2010-05-30T22:55:00.002+10:00

I've resorted to passing up almost first drafts...I just got to a point where I thought...is it worth staying up all night? Does being a good student have any correlation to being a good practitioner in practice? No, not always...and that's why I'm fine with it! But geez...let's hope I pass so that I can actually legally practice!

2010-5-30

I am looking forward to...

2010-05-29T17:56:00.001+10:00

the day when this blog ceases to exist or it converts its title to "The Joy of NOT Being Any Kind of Student".

2010-5-29

Avoidance-Denial

2010-05-26T07:55:00.003+10:00

You know how sometimes you know you don't want to get out of bed as you'd rather not face the big mountain of stuff you have to/face?

Yeah, that's me right now.

I hope I find some motivation and productivity soon.

It is so anti-intuitive to have to keep pushing the envelope when you're so exhausted and sleep deprived! Whinge whinge whine whine...

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

2010-5-26

Top Gear

2010-05-23T19:50:00.003+10:00

Up down turn around, please don't let me hit the ground...

Well it's rolled around to that time of year again folks when life gets crazy and stays sustainedly crazy so that you have no choice but to glue your butt to the chair and somehow still pull something to submit out of your ass! Obviously, not an easy double feat.

In any case two more mini suckers down so I can start to visualise and plot how to wrestle with the big Dragons.

I'm happy though that it's finally gotten dire enough that I was motivated enough to actually kick into action...Basically, today I did not move from my chair for umpteen hours straight...I hardly think this is conducive to good health-the irony! And did I mention I was in my PJs for probably 24 hours straight....ewwww I know...but warranted.

2010-5-23 19:56

Compassionate Detachment

2010-05-22T00:14:00.002+10:00

One of the things I've been learning the hard way is that being a healer or rather "healing facilitator" comes with many rewards- well mainly just one (that of satisfaction in having helped another) but also many challenges.

Soon enough along your journey, especially if you are sensitive you will find yourself really having to protect your own energies etc from psychic vampires and spiritual attack.

Here is a really nice eggshell exercise which I've found.

Also I think the phrase "compassionate detachment" should always be remembered everytime you enter into an "energy transaction" with a client.

Also pets and nature really help, babies too- sources of pure clean uncorrupted good energy.

Oh and of course God and Angels. Ask for their help!

Have a good day^^

2010-5-22

Burnt out by 45.

2010-04-26T22:47:00.003+10:00

Well I'm not even close yet but that is exactly the warning given me by one of my majority of older than me patients...

I think one of the real problems of being in the healing thing is that you give and give and give and give and rarely do people ever give to YOU! And thus....drained, sucked dry- just like that sound made when people suck out the marrow from bones.

I think that perception I get from movies is true...
Every healer needs their own therapist. Cos we listen to everybody else's crap and have nobody to dump our crap on!!!

In any case this has gone on for such a long time. I guess professionally it's justified but personally I think I need to put my foot down...only give to people who give to me! Sheesh I think even my natal chart described this- that my luck in these matters aren't great- very skewed and one sided...eg people just always take from me, and I'd be doing well to get anywhere close to an equal give and take bar a few rare cases!

10-4-26 11:54

I made a Girl CRY.

2010-04-17T17:24:00.004+10:00

But it was a good thing. Too many of us hold in and repress our emotions. And it's healthy to let it all out with a Good CRY every now and again.

In any case it was really cute when she reported with surprise the strange reaction induced by the needles. No wonder people still regard acupuncture as mystical and magical...unfortunately it doesn't help our case with the "scientific" Skeptics...

To be honest though, hailing from a somewhat conservative and "rational-logical" upbringing, I must say, no matter how long I do this, the results do often blow my mind and leave my mouth wanting to hang "O-shaped".

Sometimes, you just can't think too much- the Mind in itself can really be quite limiting, as there are many things the Human Mind is just too pip-squeaky to fathom!

2010-4-17

How's this for HIPPY?!!

2010-04-13T21:37:00.003+10:00

I'm not sure but sometime recently I pretty much become incredibly "Feeling-VIBE" based...Basically, I don't look or talk to someone to work out whether I'm gonna like them or not...I just "feel" their energy...
Yep, that's really how I judge people now...LOL

2010-4-13

Hands That Heal

2010-03-18T10:01:00.004+11:00

It's amazing how healing hands alone can be. Touch. People often forget that all of us have the power to heal just with our hands alone. It is amazing sometimes what strong responses I get inadvertently just with my hands (usually when I am preparing for needle insertion with palpation). I have been told on several occasions "You have magic hands."

I think we all do, really. Especially if there is good intention.

2010-3-18

...

2010-03-11T08:58:00.001+11:00

Okay this working for a living gig is too hard. Would someone just find me a SUGARDADDY already?! :P

2010-3-11

Ms "Last Resort"

2010-02-25T12:27:00.003+11:00

I know for many (as was for me), alternative therapies only become options out of "Last Resort".

Still though, my teacher said to me "why do you always have such complicated cases?!".

I guess I love mystery and solving puzzles. And I only tend to be good at what interests me.

Not to mention I AM complicated. And like does draw like :)

2010-2-25

Terminal Illness, death and dying.

2010-02-12T22:24:00.003+11:00

In a way I came face to face with this today. And it was not how one would expect. She was not gaunt or sick with pallor- her cheeks were ruddy, she was in good spirits and her eyes still had a bit of sparkle...

But we both knew.

There is something Incredibly Dignified about Quiet Acceptance. I was glad that in her Peace, I could feel at Peace. As I touched her hands and our energies merged, I couldn't help but shiver though.

I also got completely sapped and knocked over...and felt completely sick and headachey and even hand washing etc didn't help- actually it was like I had been entirely wafted in a boggy cloud- I couldn't think, or do anything. This is why I really need to be more careful about properly protecting my aura. But really I didn't expect to encounter such a case in my practice.

In any case, the moral of the story is "a stitch in time saves nine" and that is the beauty of Chinese Medicine...it is about prevention and maintenance of good health not trying to patch a hole only once you notice it. By then, it's too late!

2010-2-12

"I feel like Barbie"

2010-02-11T12:41:00.004+11:00

Well I don't. But that's just what one of my patients feedbacked from my treatment. I always love hearing feedback but yeah this comment "I feel like Barbie! It's like you gave me a new pair of legs!" That's GOTTA be one of my ALL TIME favourites! LOL

In other news...by the type of patient I seem to energetically attract I'm starting to notice where my specialities may lie...it's kinda cool. I'm also getting great results. And despite being a social retard the patients like me enough to keep coming so YEAH in my third ever public clinic I am now fully booked out and even had to turn a patient away! :( :)

I like it.

2010-2-11

The Girl is Evil

2010-02-07T18:48:00.004+11:00

Today, for the first time in my acupuncture career I almost floored a full grown man with 1 needle. And not a weenie piddly skinny man but a big bulky ex football player!

Needless to say, we were both SHOCKED.

But anyway, it was seriously interesting. He said we should have taken a video for people who think acupuncture is just "placebo" with no effect, cos there is no way anyone could fake THAT! (Vasovagal reaction).

Anyway now I know. Like I always suspected Men ARE the weaker gender. I made voodoo dolls out of my female patients all week and this guy...wow, almost passed out from 1. Amazing. You really had to be there to see it.

Anyway I'm glad we'd covered this very rare reaction in theory cos I've never EVER seen it happen before: I remembered studying it so luckily I paid attention in classes so knew what to do...cos this happened at my home...and honestly if I didn't react we would have been calling an ambulance! Luckily it was a friend's hubby and not a paying patient- I think they would have been so freaked out they would not have wanted to come back! LOL

p.s it's actually evidence of a huge amount of stagnated energy shifting, so in a way, it's actually a very positive healing reaction :) Go me! Hehe, I am to be feared by Big Grown Men- love it.

2010-2-7

WORTH IT.

2010-02-05T11:29:00.004+11:00

Despite all the suffering and sacrifices...I'm finally at the point where I can realise the "worth it" part...I meet people who have been sick like me, but for much longer yet they are still so lost and in despair. I am so glad I can give them hope and relieve their suffering. Although to be honest, we still all spend a good 70% of our spare waking hours doing health oriented things- keeping in good health once sick is seriously a full time affair- people have no idea how limiting this is on your ability to do things-they just assume you are a party pooper...but actually it's just about comfortable survival-unless you have a zillion dollars and can hire maids and chefs etc...we can't eat too much crap e.g takeaway etc cos this will make us sick, we also need to be very careful of overexhaustion or we will crash...bigtime. And all those bugs you bring to work in order to "soldier on" well stuff like that could land some of us in hospital! So yeah it's always a fragile and delicate balancing act with a lot, ALOT of conscientious effort and mental willpower involved on a daily basis.

In any case, not only have I benefited big time from learning the tools of my trade in order to stabilise and improve my own health to a manageable condition, it gives me great satisfaction to be able to help others get off the hamster wheel...

It is so good when you can reclaim your power and your life is in your own hands. Knowledge is Power.

2010-2-5

Protecting Yourself

2010-02-03T10:09:00.003+11:00

Takes a lot of effort. I know I have at least two big and complex cases...so I get up early to take advantage of the Abundant Yang Qi for morning qigong and yoga and to strengthen my aura. I know I need to eat properly, so I cook rice.

I know I will be dealing with sappy bad energy...chronic, sick...

So I choose the correct crystals, fill my pot of alkaline water, take some supplements, pack some snacks and will later put on some Hauschka over my vulnerable auric field and some special oil at special points. Besides this I will be careful to mentally keep a boundary and wash my hands up to my elbows immediately after each encounter.

When I come back, maybe I will need to soak in an Epsom Salt Bath...see, I wish I lived right next to the beach already...

2010-2-3

A.R.E

2009-11-06T19:35:00.002+11:00

Alarm
Resistance
Exhaustion

These are the Three Stages of STRESS.

The worst part is I already reached the "E" Stage" a few weeks ago...Fingers majorly Crossed!

eek.
7:37pm 6 November 2009

In a way...

2009-11-05T19:25:00.003+11:00

We are a little like fortune tellers....from the body alone we can tell what a person's health problems are or what is going to cause patients problems in the future...in this way Chinese Medicine has a significant advantage to conventional biomedicine which can only act when the problem manifests in a big way...by then, is it too late? In any case I like the whole preventative medicine approach and looking after one's health...

7:27pm 5 November 2009

On the home stretch...

2009-11-05T15:18:00.002+11:00

Just one last one to go- struggling to apply myself...to be honest, COMPLETELY BUGGERED and have been for the last couple of weeks. LOL I manifested in hysterics mid-week, and yesterday after a tough exam my b'day twin caught up to that stage...now we are just both...EXHAUSTED. But still have one more to go...

and then finally, FINALLY, one year I can just unwind on my birthday...THANK GOD!

In any case I think I gave up some time ago on being part of the academic elite...all I really care about now is graduation...and being a good practitioner and having a successful business...

5 November 2009 3:21pm

Queen of Dru...Herbs!

2009-10-30T21:00:00.002+11:00

I just realised I'm starting to collate a pretty sizeable collection now...I have a stock of at least 50 raw herbs and 20 patents...lol and that's just for my self use!

I think I have enough to start dispensing though *lol.

9:01pm 30 october 2009

It's looking good...

2009-10-29T18:40:00.001+11:00

did 4 treatments today- all very successful...actually the first patient said straight after treatment: "do you practice privately at all?"

*gushes with pride inside* ;)

6:42pm 29 october 2009

So Busy...

2009-10-29T07:25:00.003+11:00

it's NUTS! and it's especially nuts considering how much time I'm spending recreationally...I guess it is just proportionate to counterbalace ill-effects of elevated stress levels- in any case...between all of it I'm not getting a whole lot of sleep or rest here(!)

7:26am thursday 29 october 2009

Searing Pain...

2009-10-20T20:31:00.002+11:00

This tooth/jaw pain is really quite crippling- it is so intense the pain is overwhelming...so THANK GOD for my needles...it takes quite a bit in order to jab them in self...but thank god I did cos now my brain can actually do what it needs to do without being incapacitated and overwhelmed by pain sensation...

Heard of so many cases of really horrible dental pain lately- I think we trust dentists and doctors too freely...really they can cause a lot of health problems...that is why I like TCM...it is so gentle and effective working with your body...you really don't get these massive negative consequences...no matter how bad the practitioner is...at the worst you just don't get much better but at least you don't get...WORSE! :-p

8:36pm 20 October 2009

When all you wanna do is...

2009-10-18T21:09:00.002+11:00

sleep or else cry in despair...go eat chocolate! ;)

Then turn up the music real loud...

and somehow, you get a second wind...

to keep climbing up over the mountain, despite it being all misty, cold and icy and wet and slippery.

9:11pm 18 october 2009

Running on Empty...

2009-10-17T13:25:00.002+11:00

I am so glad I can drug myself...have no idea how I would manage without...flat, FLAT out :P

but at least for the first time ever I will actually be freeeeee to celebrate my birthday! :)

1:26pm 17 october 2009

Intuitive Healer

2009-10-15T22:55:00.003+11:00

I've heard this phrase thrown around a bit...I'd have to say I claim it too!

Just cos I realise in an academic context I suck! And I'm SO GLAD I don't have to be an academic!

That's cos I realised, a lot of what I do, is very intuitive. Hence if you try and get me to explain or articulate, suddenly my brain hurts...cos really when I practice I sort of almost bypass that bit which = brain or logic. I'm sure that foundation knowledge factors in, but when I choose points for example, a large part of the determination occurs past the level of conscious thought.

Best reason I can always give for "why this and not that?"

Just cos I felt like it :)

Apart from that, I'm freakin' exhausted.

10:59pm 15 October 2009

TCM: It's in my blood!

2009-10-09T22:13:00.002+11:00

This is my conspiracy theory. I've just always seemed to have this knack for TCM that sort of defies logic. I put it down to my "other" kind of ability possibly a skill something along the lines of "intuition" plus "healing hands". In any case it's just like this latent power I always had that once I discovered TCM it was the key that fit the lock...

Had amazing success with a rather complex presentation today-the immediate results and feedback I got was amazing- my favourite kind of puzzle- eg complex presentation manifesting as a multitude of symptoms of all different systems. No kidding the patient reported relief and improvement of pretty well all her symptoms which was about 7 different things. Very encouraging. Rarely do I get the chance to treat such interesting cases cos for the most part everybody around is really very healthy.

In any case I started wondering about this seeming "gift" of mine...and I really, really believe it's cos of this....TCM is in my blood!!! It turns out my father's grandfather was actually a highly respected Western/Eastern doctor!!! And several of us have noticed that these things do really seem to run in families!!!

friday 9 october 2009 10:21pm

Seriously, if it weren't for TCM I'd be soooo shit bored!

2009-10-04T21:30:00.003+11:00

Cos everything else especially everybody else by comparison seems so boring...(the highlight of interesting people is definitely still through TCM the one or two golden oldies that have fascinating life stories...)

I remember one particularly boring moment stuck with a whole bunch of young girls I had absolutely nothing to converse with about...with time to kill...so I started taking their pulses and giving them "Readings" lol...a guaranteed roll eyes into back of head episode of boredom... salvaged! Everybody entertained ;)

sunday 4 october 2009 9:33pm

Talking to myself...a snippet.

2009-09-23T00:27:00.004+10:00

"Liu Wei Di Huang Wan."

"Tian Wan Bu Xin Dan."

"Zhi Bai Ba Wei Wan."

"Wow, you can speak CHINESE??!...So exotic!!!"

*lol.

my other sentiment TCM wise this week has been: "I love TCM morning noon and night!"

:-D

12:30am wednesday 23 september 2009

"Be Calm"

2009-09-18T18:03:00.003+10:00

We had a scary prac exam and lots of people were packing it!!(with stress)....mostly cos they didn't study enough...

So for the ones who were so stressed I could feel their electricity I went and stuck my hand on their head to settle them.

It's a great trick my herbs teacher taught me which is fantastic for hyperactive little kids...it's cos there is a major point on the top of the head which settles the spirit...so yeah, there is a reason why adults like to pat kids on the head...

friday 18 september 2009 6:05pm

BRING IT ON!!!

2009-09-13T22:48:00.004+10:00

There is this intractable strongly INTJ doctor intern we know who I always end up butting heads with cos he is very disrespectful of alternative therapies- the kind who dismisses TCM as "unscientific" load of crap...and all benefit is purely due to "placebo effect".

So anyway....as usually happens I say, TCM is something to be experienced...try it and then tell me if it is still crap...to which they always refuse.

In any case, fast forward some time later- doctor intern has suffered an emotional crisis, has matured, has more life experience under his belt...and now, he is open: he wants to give it a shot!
BRING IT ON!! :)

TCM is very good for emotional stagnation and blockage...just need to find time to arrange a meeting- will definitely post update after this encounter has happened :)

sunday 13 september 2009 10:53pm

If you can steel yourself past the pain...

2009-09-12T16:36:00.004+10:00

it sure is handy being able to acupuncture oneself!

I've been really exhausted and battling mucus congesting all in my head and chest for some time now...which has been clogging up my qi from flowing freely...so I kept wanting to just sleep and couldn't think with such a muggy head!

This has been disastrous for productivity with study and being able to really THINK.

So I had to resort to needling myself- a whole lot more difficult when self-done cos you are very aware and anticipatory of that moment of pain....

In any case I thought I'd needle myself then go take a nap since I was getting nowhere with my study...in any case it was so effective that I didn't actually need to take a nap and just whizzed right through to finish up that portion of study in a quarter of the allocated time- just cos my brain could suddenly work really efficiently again!!! COOL....

Very good for those with ADHD and tired all the time tendencies...

saturday 12 september 2009 4:42pm

Okay, my stress hormones kicked in...

2009-09-10T17:22:00.002+10:00

it just dawned on me that now's just about when I need to go into Lock Down Mode until the semester ends...I was just checking my schedule and realise that the tiny break that I did have is not even a break anymore cos I completely filled that too!!! arghhhhh head down I guess, no more slacking off...need to activate the Self Discipline and PRODUCTIVITY mode!!! And hopefully get very effective resting hours!

5:24pm thursday 10 september 2009

Herbal Dispensary at Home!

2009-09-09T23:56:00.004+10:00

lol I went through all my herbs I have at home just then and realised I have a pretty sizeable collection- for certain conditions I could definitely just start making up little therapeutic or even just tasty teas...it was pretty fun writing a list of all my herbs...what a cool collection.

apart from that I am very excited cos I have a very definite direction of where I'm headed with all of this upon graduation...

I will be SO glad to get outta this damn city...although I will kinda regret not having the opportunity to be a tutor- that could have been fun...nurturing the newbies - I can still remember how hard first year was- such a culture shock and so much information and workload overload especially when I'd left my brain to go rusty from the workforce...

12:00am thursday 10 september 2009

I feel "God Awful".

2009-08-21T18:25:00.002+10:00

I haven't had one for ages...but when you have a really terrible acupuncture treatment it truly is TERRIBLE!!

Argh I feel like CRAP! Some people definitely do not have the healing vibe :P

6:26pm 21 august 2009

ESP Fingers!

2009-08-05T19:19:00.004+10:00

I'm starting to think I have this gift!

It seems that even before people take their clothes off, my fingers just know exactly the sore spots before I've even palpated or seen the muscle...it's quite strange!

Today I was giving my classmate an impromptu massage in a break in return for the one she gave me...it's like my fingers just have a "sixth sense"...it's quite bizarre...or maybe it is the rapport I have with certain people?

Even when I went to learn reiki some time ago- before we'd been taught how or explained anything about it...I did what came intuitively and the 'patient' got up and said..."WOW, THAT WAS AMAZING" in that kind of capitalised exclamation! And I honestly didn't know cos I hadn't learnt anything yet!

So maybe...maybe that is a gift people who are fated or born to be Healers get :) If I think about it too much my brain just starts spinning with question marks so I'll just think of it as a normal fact of life for the time being! LOL.

5 august 09 718pm

Guinea Pigging Myself!

2009-08-03T09:10:00.002+10:00

How fun!...having fun guinea pigging myself with different formulas...I guess that is the only true way to learn...become a druggie-at least temporarily!!

In any case when you're putting together and boiling the raw herbs there is a certain sense of satisfaction...it all feels so natural and of times past!

I'm especially excited to go buy the ingredients and decoct...I figure the body knows...I'll drink a bit just to test for strength/adverse effects...but I'm pretty sure it'll be fine...just I'm pretty sensitive and being of a small build I need to be a bit more cautious...

monday 3 august 2009 9:15am

A Balanced Lifestyle

2009-07-27T01:09:00.003+10:00

This is my goal for this semester...along with staying healthy, productive, on top of things and not stressed...a picture of groundedness...let's see if I can do it!

1:11am MONDAY 27 JULY 2009

I smell like weed.

2009-06-30T23:18:00.002+10:00

Somebody really needs to invent a moxa de-stinker!

Oh well at least I'm not too self conscious so I'm not aware if people are staring at me cos they think I'm a massive weed head.

In any case, it was suggested to me by a superior that I am suited to specializing in the psycho-emotional -oooooh! Damn, I knew I should have just done that Psych degree the first time round! It ended up catching up with me anyhow LOL!

11:20pm 30 june 2009

DONE! Happy Days!

2009-06-12T09:22:00.003+10:00

Sheesh in the 23 years of my life or so that I have devoted to formal education...THAT, for some strange reason, was the most difficult project/assignment EVER!

And so very very insidious...at the outset it looked suprisingly straight forward and simple...yet, once we actually tried to do it, it became a laborious, agonizing and surprisingly mind boggling task...further complicated by a lack of available resources to the English speaker.

Anyhow...another one down...only 3 more to go before I can say Bye Bye to The Student Life!!

LATER, folks! :-D

friday 12 june 9:26am

Due to Treatment or not?

2009-06-09T00:17:00.002+10:00

One of my treatments from 2 or 3 weeks ago who suffers pcos, oligomenorrhoea/amenorrhoea FINALLY got her period...wondering if it had anything to do with the treatment or just eventuated as a matter of course? Something I'm definitely interested to get more experience in treating cos when these things span such huge time periods(MONTHS) it is really hard to tell unless you have several years worth of case observations under your belt...

found this energy healing resource really cool in terms of acupoint prescriptions for enneagram types...e.g.

1223am tuesday 9 june 2009

A life of self-neglect

2009-06-05T06:11:00.002+10:00

wow I am so not used to the luxury of more than 6 hours sleep that now I keep getting up before 6am!

I realised during semester life is so much like a pressure cooker and that blogging etc is all just a means to let off this steam...once on holidays I think the blogging and spending so much time on the net distracting becomes rather redundant...good thing too- will be nice to have a "real life" again!

Any case just under a week to go to hand in my final paper. I guess I should get started. The earlier it's done the earlier I can "have a life"!

p.s since this blog is 'documentary' I have to note that the exams this year were so stressful I ended up buying THREE pairs of shoes directly after the final one...I think it is almost like the overindulgence is a weak attempt to compensate for all the self neglect that goes on for the entire semester...sleep deprivation, meal deprivation, house deprivation...everything basically when you so lack spare time it's existential minimalism...you are functioning in such a rigid hectic schedule...all moments of spare time are not actually spare time but "in-between" moments ie 20 spare minutes popped up cos your class finished early or whatever. It's pretty sad. But the student existence will end...and I guess it'll be a little sad but also a WHOLE LOTTA RELIEF when it actually does!

621am friday 5 june 2009

The Grass is not always Greener...

2009-05-29T15:28:00.004+10:00

Suffocated in moxa fumes, which is probably illegal but university funding can't seem to provide adequate ventilation in any of our treatment areas-the smoke was so concentrated it made security personnel come knocking with the question..."What's with all the smell of GRASS?"

friday 29 may 2009 331pm

Poke-a-holic

2009-05-26T18:04:00.002+10:00

So... my grades are going down the chute, I'm barely doing any study but I'm getting lots of practice treating...ironically other classmates especially ones who negatively magnetize/empathically take on their patient's ailments...with very positive feedback :)

I also haven't picked up problems from giving treatments of late so fingers crossed I might actually have built up a stronger auric barrier...or am now better able to maintain my boundaries...

I might actually being able to do this as a job after all!

6:08pm 26 may 2009

The Bi-annual Burn Out.

2009-05-25T22:42:00.003+10:00

Stage 1 for 2009 of the Bi-Annual Burn out. The same time each year where everything gets so stressful, demands are high and you're so exhausted and have hit a wall. So you do what any rational person does and throw some kind of necessary tantrum, have a peak transient "crisis", let off some pent up energy and then it's gone. After a whole lot of swearing and booze, you actually feel good again...

all you really needed to do was let yourself loose from that chain that ties you to your desk, rest your weary eyes from the glare of that screen, go out and breathe fresh air and find some real live mates to rant with...

Sane again! Too easy! Nevertheless an inevitable bi-annual ritual...

monday 25 may 2009 10:47pm

A small confession.

2009-05-24T19:55:00.003+10:00

It was me, it was me who poured the water into the contaminated waste bag!!

That was cos if I hadn't, the entire bag would have gone up in flames and a whole lot worse!

LOL, the joy of acclimatizing to new products.

It's always just too much fun around here...I'm kinda getting bored with treating for food stagnation type complaints though...it must be all the stress in the city...for relatively healthy people that is one of the first problems that will surface.

I guess it's also the modern time poor diet is pretty crap too.

24 may 2009 8:00pm

Conclusion: I'm definitely some kind of Masochist!

2009-05-19T23:10:00.002+10:00

Why oh why do I always leave everything to THE LAST MINUTE??! I don't know perhaps I'm some kind of adrenalin junkie, perhaps the student life is so monotonous I appreciate the last minute thrill and challenge? Or maybe I just like a reason to stay up in the wee hours and enjoy the peace and quiet while everybody is sleeping? Or maybe I just am really that undisciplined that until a situation becomes dire I will have no qualms with procrastinating with idle pursuits...
Who knows, whatever the case, it's gonna be another late night for me! LOL

tuesday 19 may 2009 11:12pm

Just don't care.

2009-05-18T18:53:00.004+10:00

An interesting phenomenon washed over myself and colleagues...we're tired. And we had had enough. So we took the ENTIRE weekend off...ah, Sanity...BALANCE.

Feels good :)

monday 18 may 6.55pm

It's almost perverted.

2009-05-15T18:47:00.005+10:00

My addiction that is.

I feel kinda guilty how excited I get when one of my classmates gets sick...immediately my eyes turn big as flying saucers and I feel a sense of gluttinous greed...cos I see that as a great learning opportunity and chance to "have fun" treating!

Yes I truly get my kicks. Treating people and being able to solve their health issues really turns me on...it's like major brain candy...Brain Chocolate even! Tickles me in all the right places ;)

I can't believe from where I am fuelling this enthusiasm from- the past 3 days I have had a total of 12 hours sleep...cumulative! Talk about...dedication :p In any case one thing's for certain...I am THE most MISERABLE student- studying is a total arse and I suck at it. However.

I LOOOOVE practical application giving treatments- solving the puzzles- and judging from my track record to date, I'm not half bad at it either ;)

Definitely going to set up these hols...so excited can't wait! Also going to try and get back into the whole qi exercise aspect with Tai Chi this weekend since I finally found a local teacher...should be good :)

6:54pm friday 15 may 2009

Being Hammered.

2009-05-10T00:23:00.002+10:00

It's 12:23am. This lifestyle is gruelling. I'm in a paralysed state of stress. I know this is a contradiction but I am- in calm stress. ie I've not kicked into action yet cos I'm still trying to find the drive to get off the starting line...I'm still reeling from burn out and exhaustion from the past week and my brain is still recovering having been stretched to the max. But at least I'm still awake (courtesy of afternoon siesta) and going to do some intellectual reading on channel theory which will hopefully be absorbed during sleep so that I can just spit out an essay in it's entirety tomorrow. If there's one thing I've learnt- sleep is all a brain really needs to really do amazing knowledge consolidation. Too bad I'm not getting any, cos my shut eye is full of wacky and vivid dreams...which I'm sure mean something that would be more clear if I recorded them and read back over them in the future...but I don't want to tax myself anymore than what is essential right now.

12:30am sunday 10 may 2009

The Poo Specialist!

2009-05-08T21:21:00.002+10:00

Haha, I have inadvertently become a "poo" specialist with resounding success in my treatments given for constipation and digestive issues...

I actually really love treating constipation for that reason...cos it's one where when your treatment works...you get definitive feedback in a timely fashion! LOL

And besides, it's amazing how many people feel so much anxiety when they're not "regular" so it's nice to be able to provide not only physical but also psycho-emotional relief ;)

Staying on topic somewhat lol...I'm somewhat "in the shits" having frittered away what little spare time I do have and left EVERYTHING TO THE LAST MINUTE! arghhhh the next 6, 7 days are going to be stretched to max and STRESSY trying to start and complete all the assessments! Maybe my subconscious likes the adrenalin rush of living on the edge :p

9:31pm friday 8 may 2009

When can I start working already?!!

2009-05-06T23:56:00.002+10:00

One of my my age school buddies in a younger year was telling me today how she didn't realise that you had to study on par with "selling your soul" otherwise...as she tragically learnt...you FAIL! LOL I turned to her and said...why are you being so sadistic?...you're married...why don't you just go make babies? LOL, yes sheer "at the end of one's cramming tether" makes one go all...flippant! :p
12:00am thursday 7 may

I am one sucky student.

2009-05-05T17:11:00.003+10:00

For sure I like learning...But STUDYING is another matter altogether! It sure doesn't come naturally to me and most of the time I feel like making myself do it is like someone has grabbed me by my ankles dragging me and dumping me in my study chair and TIED ME TO MY DESK! (something not dissimilar was done in the past when I've had someone to crack the whip! LOL) So I just sit there and try and wriggle out of my bonds and usual don't end up being too productive :p

So I've been especially bad the last 2 weeks or so...doing anything and everything but. You'd think I'd have learnt my lesson from the last entry but no....I've still managed to procrastinate everything to the last minute and have a heck of a lot to cram and absorb in a heck of a short time.

No wonder my head hurts :p
5:15pm tuesday 5 may 2009

Resting on one's laurels: Z crashes out bigtime!

2009-04-29T17:50:00.002+10:00

So.

I looked at the paper. SHITE. SHITE. SHITE. Staring at blank pages with absolutely no way to crap my way out of it.

Hmmm Lesson learnt. Being TOO RELAXED is not a clever approach to exams. A bit of stress is the best way for me at least, cos otherwise you just don't care enough.

But the recent news is, I found out I got on the merit list for the second and likely last year running. Not a small effort by any means. So (especially cos it seems like the last time) I am going to give myself a reward of a *pair of new shoes*...cos an award ceremony calls for nice shoes ;)

LOL. Excuses, excuses.

This girl needs a big SMACK! Going to unwind with yoga and then throw myself back in the ring to meet another lion :p - this one I will go back to my usual "stress" approach me thinks! *siiiigh* :(

Why students eat so many sweeties...

2009-04-28T22:07:00.002+10:00

...Do you KNOW how many calories get burnt having to flex your brain so hard?!!! :p

yarghhhhhh. Will be a late one...burning the midnight oil...cramming!

tuesday 28 april 10:09pm

Handy Tip for a cold where you can't stop sneezing.

2009-04-27T09:54:00.002+10:00

I caught a cold. A cold cold. Perhaps it was due to waiting 20 minutes underclothed in the chilly winds (which incidentally did bring our earliest snowfall since 1996!) Due to my greedy cravings, I missed at least 8 of my own buses waiting for the one that would take me to...Pastizzi :)!

Or perhaps it was spending several hours in an enclosed library full of other people's sniffles. Or maybe it was the rich butteriness from the pastizzi pastry or the sticky sugar of all that chocolate glugginess making my throat a welcoming breeding ground for opportunistic germs.

Whatever the case, when the cold manifests as non stop violent sneezing, I realised even with TCM skills, you're not in any state to be able to treat yourself...that would be too much effort!

So. I ended up discovering an easier variation for how to relieve the chills and non-stop sneezing and involuntary evacuating of the entire contents of your nasal and sinus cavities...and the best part, it's something any person can do...

Get a hairdryer! And aim the warm air over the back of your neck from the bottom right up to just under the head for a few minutes. Trust me, it will relieve your symptoms especially stop the sneezing :)

Now just have to rug up, get plenty of rest and plenty of Vit C and go off the chocolate for a few days...bah humbug.

monday 26 april 2009 9:56am

All Therapists should have therapists.

2009-04-17T10:11:00.002+10:00

Another said:"We always give much more than we get". Story of my life. I'm SO TIRED OF GIVING!!!

My classmates had her first massage shift today and by the end of the day she burst out "I AM SO.OVER.MASSAGE!"

Can't say I disagree...who said I can be a workaholic...screw that, I'm back to my part-time work lifestyle aspirations...those damn little suckers (patients and sick ones) just SUCK YOU DRY of mainly ENERGY but often also good vibes...and you're doing well if you don't come back with some empathic ailment :p

The other issue that has been plaguing me this week is the fact that EVERYTHING COSTS...we are such a selfish Taker society. It gets sad for us small percentage of Giver Types in the Big City. If everybody were even HALF as unselfish and considerate of others as we, wouldn't the city just be such a Much Nicer Place?

I know when you give you should do so freely, without any expectation of anything in return...however past this now...for me it comes down to an issue of FAIRNESS. Of course I know life and the world isn't fair...but don't I just wish it were!!!

I guess this desire for fairness just shows how big a concern EQUALITY is for me at this stage of my life...Rant Over...at least in this blog LOL
friday 17 april 10:23am

This is pretty "sad"...LOL

2009-04-08T20:27:00.002+10:00

I realised I've been fully sucked down the black hole and I don't think I'll ever come back out! Basically for many of us our "job" is all consuming. And everyone outside the TCM world that is not spiritually inclined is pretty much another ALF(Alien Life Form). I don't even feel the need to associate with people outside "the family"...there's just something - we all have an understanding yet it is also a "passion" that totally infiltrates your whole being and it is not something you can just "switch off"...it is pretty much 24-7 with you- even in our leisure time we're still giving treatments, dietary advice...heads are ticking overtime trying to work out a diagnosis for that person on the bus coughing up their insides...it actually...turns us on! :)

This thought occurred to me when I found myself checking my phone every two minutes in eager anticipation for an update on patient status...suddenly, the most exciting potential in my day was to know whether my patient had had a bowel movement yet after the treatment!!!*LOL

Yeah, it's sad. Lucky most of us find it a "calling" and it's one that we're truly passionate about!

Yeah I'm a Nerd. Aren't we all?

8 april 2009 8:34pm

My First Ever(Own) Patients :)

2009-04-02T18:41:00.004+11:00

It was a great day. I think this TCM gig must really be my "thing". Cos I had Tuina Massage clinic today (I HATE massage and touchy feely stuff) but I still managed to really enjoy my day (although admittedly I needed to keep eating every chance I got just to have enough energy).

And my patients even booked in to come back to me!..So even though I think my skills are somewhat average (being so petite and low energy doesn't exactly help) and my knowledge of muscles is pretty Shite, I mustn't have sucked too bad! :)

LOL.

On a practical note I also didn't get TOO drained. I found washing my hands and face between patients really helpful, although the final patient who came with migraine, stress and loads of neck and shoulder tension did leave me with a bit of an Empathic headache :P But at least I made her migraine go away :-) (it would have been less effort required with acupuncture though...)

It's pretty exciting having your OWN patients...suddenly all your slaving over studies HAS A PURPOSE. I think I might be able to live the dream of kick ass healer in a coastal community yet...the only thing was I only planned to work part time...I could potentially see myself being a workaholic if I became really healthy with more energy capacity... it's a pretty gratifying career path when you get results and people appreciate your efforts! :-D

6:50pm 2 april 2009

Pain...and Progress.

2009-03-27T21:07:00.002+11:00

Are these two ever mutually exclusive?

I think they could be but obviously not yet for me in terms of my TCM career!

Today the needling technique we did was REALLY painful in the hands of amateurs. I didn't escape a slight haematoma on my right leg...with all my colourful bumps and bruises I'm really not a good advertisement for guinea pig acupuncturism!

The other theme today's classes brought up for me is Who can you trust? and made me think about the "optimal practitioner"...Because today the conscientious but anxious novice gave me a lot of pain and haematoma.

Two weeks ago it was the brash overconfident novice who gave me pain and haematoma.

And then I realised, the only novice I trust to acupuncture is someone in the middle like myself. Because we are cautious and restrained enough to not be too hasty and careless, compassionate enough to listen to and monitor the patient and not comfortable causing pain/discomfort but also confident enough in our own ability to not get jingly nerves and stuff up out of fear and anxiety.

So I was kinda pleased about that...also that I did my first FIRE NEEDLE - tungsten lit red hot-into the muscle- and didn't stuff up!

Typically on the first go, the average novice freaks out lets go of the needle and it stays in the skin sizzling...

In any case I think because I had been in so much pain prior, my body was totally saturated in adrenalin from the cold sweat I had worked up so I was totally alert and focused on the task at hand...but now...totally exhausted...Ready for BED! Sleeeeeeeep :-)

9.17pm 27 march 2009

Starstruck

2009-03-21T19:22:00.005+11:00

In some fortuitous stroke of Luck I managed to score a one on one consult with one of the foremost scholars in my area IN THE WORLD.

So Exciting!!!

You know how there are some people you meet and they make such an impression?

I am truly inspired and Thank God cos this Studying Gig is not that easy for someone of my undisciplined, easily worn out and lazy, always want to "have fun" nature to pull off!

saturday 21 march 7:28pm

The "Amateur" Practitioner

2009-03-06T18:07:00.006+11:00

Today my guinea pig, ahem...patient...said to me after I had needled her:

"I can't feel anything, is the needle in yet?"

...Is that testimony to Skill...or Skill? haha ;)

LOL, I think I should use this anecdote to spruik my services for the future cos I realise I am a horrible social networker and with all of the few people I know left in Sydney, all refuse to stray from the medical "establishment"...so I was getting some anxiety about how I am going to get my patient quota next year without the help of random strangers walking in off the street and hopefully coming back!

So many people wrongly fear acupuncture cos they are "scared of needles" but really...it doesn't need to HURT! And typically, people only fear what they don't understand.

In any case the year has gotten off to a flying start with it's usual fair share of dramas... but it does seem a tad more 'manageable' than the horror that last year was.

One of the things that plagued me a little in the first week was being Daunted by Fear at the huge task ahead of me... The extent of my goal includes moving away to some rural/scenic community where I know nobody and opening up shop. At first this was going to be after some internship with a mentor but after being HIT HARD by the financial crisis, there is a little pressure to open up shop and start practising to earn money ASAP.

So yeah good incentive I guess to stay motivated, study hard and try and learn and hone my skills as much as possible in the next two years which I know will fly by with how busy it gets. Apart from that I've decided to try and "brave" a trip to the Motherland of TCM...China...Beijing to be precise. Despite being shit scared about my Lungs and Delicate constitution in general and how I will fare with the pollution, dirt and greasy food there, I think it's important for my professional development to get some clinical experience in the target environment. So yeah...also needing to produce some cash to try and get there since unfortunately not like Singapore who give their top students $20 000 help, there is no such thing as financial scholarships even if you have an HD average :p

Besides that I also managed to attend a great seminar on treating psycho-emotional disorders where the speaker was absolutely a kindred spirit in terms of values and approach to life(and even was part of a hippie commune in his 20s LOL!) I met more senior students and fresh graduates which was really good opportunity to get a better idea of what my future is likely to look like. The funniest part was that there is a perception that I am more advanced than I am which was quite flattering...even one of my teachers asked me two years in a row..."how come you're still here...haven't you graduated yet? Oh sorry...I always thought you were in final year!"

Haha...nice to have fake credibility...LOL

Apart from that, what else...we have a "real" medicine subject with a "real" doctor which is kinda interesting...if anything though everytime, it just reminds me how glad I am that I am in TCM rather than succumb to the pressure of studying (western) "medicine" which all typical education, status and wealth obsessed Asian parents aspire for their kids.

In any case we had to do a basic physical health check up using those "ear things" and "eye things" etc...although it was pretty cool looking at ear drums and optic nerves I really didn't appreciate how close you need to get which means that the patient ends up breathing all over you! Ewww....GERMS! LOL...No wonder I love herbal practice best...nobody has to invade my personal bubble and the touchiest feeliest it ever gets is feeling pulses across a table. Also, I can't help but feel like some kind of *Magical Alchemist* mixing up "magical potions" amidst a room filled with faraway scents and bottles filled with exotic substances such as dried scorpions...Dabbling in Herbs...wow, what a turn on! LOL

And it is so much more convenient to "self-medicate" than to try and needle oneself which definitely tests even the most coordinated persons at the best of times!!

friday 6 march 2009 6:34pm

This Blog is In Hibernation =)

2008-11-15T00:18:00.001+11:00

Woohooooooooooooo! Done. Dusted. FREEDOM for the next 3 months...see you next year!

12 november 2008 543am

"Don't be such a tight ass...literally!"

2008-11-03T21:38:00.001+11:00

LOL

this is literally what my tutor told me or rather "stop clenching your butt!"

This was as my partner prepared to needle one of the most intimidating points on the body- a point right at the tip of the coccyx, literally "up one's ass"!

So...a momentous or at least memorable way to top off our final prac for the year.

LOL apart from my Tight Ass, I also witnessed some Bad Ass and some Hot Sizzling Ass haha ;)

...Too Much Fun.

:-p

9:42PM monday 3 november 2008

Maybe I just want to be...Average.

2008-10-29T16:36:00.000+11:00

Is there anything wrong with being average?!

The other day I remarked to my friend "I wish I were just...Normal". And she replied "Me Too".

It's not that I don't like being unique...it's more that we live in a society where it's best to fit smack bang in the middle of the bell curve...in all respects, or else you tend to attract trouble whether you're on the advantaged or disadvantaged end of the bell curve.

I guess it doesn't really bother me all that much- I think what bothers me is that I've never been allowed to be "just normal"- everybody has always had so many expectations of me including myself...even people who don't know me just have assumptions cos they reckon I have a "smart face". I can't just get out of bed and think "hmmm I'm allowed to be average today".

So I guess that's a deeply embedded psychological conditioning I need to get rid of and definitely not impose on the next generation of Mes (if it comes to that!)

I think it would be really interesting to exist in a world without bias or judgement, at least for a day...everyday, living judgement and bias free...well maybe that could get a bit boring and bland...

29/10/2008 16:48

An Interesting Day: Random Miscellaneae

2008-10-24T22:24:00.000+11:00

Another 10 hour clinic. The most bizarre part was meeting the most beautiful lady I've ever seen in my life! Half of me was thinking, if I were a man, lol I would have been totally unable to speak just gawking! The other half of me was thinking...damn I wish I looked like that! LOL
But then again, good thing I don't cos how much time would be wasted looking in the mirror? haha! ;)

No seriously...what really struck me was how strongly I reacted to this beautiful spirit...although she was older than me, she struck me as a small vulnerable, fragile girl...and my immediate urge was that I just wanted to pick her up, hold her, comfort her, give her a big hug and tell her it would all be okay!

This comes back to the seminar I attended last month...the best point made there was that...society in general and the western medical world love to label straight away people as "depressed" or as "having depression"...when really...it is NORMAL to feel sad in reaction to a traumatic life event! I think this just indicates how hopeless and helpless western medicos truly are when it comes to handling depression...that, or else the big pharmaceutical companies are big time schmoozing them to push their products with hasty lack of consideration.

When I told Beautiful Lady this sentiment - that I didn't think she was "depressed", gosh I think that was the best thing anyone had said to her all year! :)

I am so sympathetic after witnessing how certain people can get so Destroyed post a big breakup, but at the same time I also know that it takes a long time to get back on track after a really long relationship cos really, it is very disorienting and takes a lot of readjustment to the mindest...to think in terms of "self" rather than being "part of a unit" is just...weird! At the same time though, singledom is incredibly liberating and I can't say I'm not still loving the Absolute Freedom it entails like Nothing Else :-)!

In other news...I feel like a smoking pot of hash on two legs...or at least I smell like one!!

Shite! After being wafted in moxa fumes all day it's pretty gross...only thing is it's contentious whether one ends up smelling more like hash or pot?! LOL...I wouldn't know...of course ;)

The other really interesting part of the day was the chance to unleash my inner Scientist...I volunteered to guinea pig myself out of curiosity to see if something I read in a book was true...I got someone to needle certain points on me to try and balance my Yin and Yang...SO COOL!

My reaction was really cool- when the first two needles went in my head got very hot and felt like it was going to explode - I got a huge headache - then my eyes started watering as the tear ducts got stimulated- when I opened my eyes my eyes were significantly brighter, less red and vision slightly clearer...later I noticed my leg muscles were also a lot more loose than before...I just love conducting experiments and trying to prove/disprove wacky ideas! :)

24-10-08 22:45

It's all so "Anti-Establishment"!

2008-10-13T20:29:00.000+11:00

So the thought of being a university drop-out is starting to comfortably settle in...and the thought of "college" sounds...Awesome!

I just love how they're So Flexible and are Willing to cater to Individuals :-D

It's all so Anti-Establishment compared to my tight-ass roots...I feel pretty....CooL.

*lol

Catch 22

2008-10-10T01:22:00.000+11:00

just the usual. finally had a chance to see the master chinese doc.

same old story.

Her: "you're doing too much. stop worrying. you need to eat properly. you need to REST!"

Me: "But I don't have time! I have so much to do. I always have some assignment or test. And I still have to cook, clean etc etc..."

She: *sigh*

Me: *sigh*

The things we do to achieve our goals.

I just sure hope all these sacrifices turn out worthwhile in the long run!

10/10/2008 1:27am

whinges and rants: selling her soul!

2008-10-10T01:16:00.000+11:00

So it's what...1:17am in the morning and I stink and feel really gross cos I have been sitting in this banana chair on the balcony in the moonlight(i needed to make it fun somehow) doing work on my laptop for pretty well 5 hours straight and am totally overdue for a shower - thank goodness I discovered these 9 hour long life tealights!! tomorrow I may try to get some clinic out of the way. saturday i'm helping at a professional seminar. sunday too. next sunday too. and uni and clinic all the other weekdays...argh...this girl so has no life!!!

10/10/08 1:21am

Hiccups for the Petulant Child

2008-10-08T17:15:00.000+11:00

*sigh*

Today took me back to high school. The all too familiar self-sabotaging Rebel without a Cause.

The "if I don't like/have an interest in something I won't do it!" innate stubborness and lack of discipline in me you'd associate with a small child.

I failed my massage practical. And the worst part is I didn't actually feel that bad about it!

I think recently especially being surrounded by all these Bohemian minded types I'd been very inspired by my new lesson in life of late "following your heart is always the right way" ...and my heart is definitely not in massage...so somehow it felt slightly more "acceptable" because of that!

Perhaps my ego was slightly ashamed but strangely more than shame, I felt a huge sense of relief...I think because failing was the impetus I needed to make me transfer to a program which has no compulsory massage component, and even better somewhere that has more emphasis on my true love...herbs!

The worst part about being inflexible is that when put in situations which are inflexible...you're the one that's gotta fit in or move out! Hence, institutions, corporations, structure and me have to date always been miserable failures...

But really, I'm JUST TIRED. For some time now, I've already been at the point of zero motivation with just about everything study wise...just no energy! So whereas some people might have at least tried to waffle an answer, I just blatantly said the 100% no holds barred truth: "I don't know!"...so really I could only expect him to fail me...

In any case, the teacher was gracious enough to give me a written test to make up for it. But still...I still hate massage everything and for me personally because of my health and constitution and lack of interest in musculoskeletal, I know I will not be using it...I'd definitely outsource that kind of work than try and touch it any day!

Ever the determined optimist, I think I can still be successful without it though...as long as I can get a qualification...somewhere! :)

wednesday 8 october 5:31PM

The Water Between Heaven and Earth

2008-10-03T12:16:00.000+10:00

In light of the fact I was pondering the Law of Floods and Droughts the other day, I thought this passage in my study was rather synchronous.

It is a description of the Kidney organ from a TCM perspective by Zhuang Yuanchen:

"The Kidney is the Ocean of the Human Body. Since oceans are situated on a lower level than the earth's streams and rivers, they draw every one of them to form one large body of water. Oceans may appear vast and inexhaustible, yet they still drain off some of their seemingly unlimited supply. One way of drainage is called "going to ruins", meaning the water drains down into the earth from where it will not return. The other way of drainage is called 'dwelling in the stars' meaning the water steams toward the sky and later rains down to earth again, where it dissipates into rivers and streams and eventually returns to the ocean. This is the water that circulates between heaven and earth, always striving to keep an equilibrium between the extreme states of drought and flooding."

03-10-2008 12:23PM

Sunday 14-09-2008 4:42PM

2008-09-14T16:41:00.001+10:00

This is exactly why Chinese Medicine is such a fascinating course of study!

Firstly, they seem to have cool names for everything...

my favourite "herb" name wise would be E Jiao a.k.a 'ASS HIDE GLUE' e.g donkey skin gelatin -this herb with its cloying nature is good for moistening dryness)

The acupuncture point names are just as good if not better- my favourite so far would be KD6 a.k.a 'SHINING SEA' how pretty is that! (this point boosts the body's fluids).

My other and possibly most favourite acupoint name would be GB30 a.ka 'JUMPING CIRCLE' - so called cos if you get prodded in your butt cheek like you do- you end up jumping!!! LOL how cute is that?!

In any case, currently on this intermittent day of rain shine rain I've been reading up on the Kidney organ in Chinese Medicine and came across some amusing information:

Here are snippets:

Ancient Chinese Wisdom advises:
Excessive sexual indulgence by males is considered to be a MAJOR HEALTH HAZARD lol don't say I didn't warn you!

Chinese literature broaches the subject through very creative imaginative stories with colourful plotlines as follows:

"The Epic Ming Dynasty novel Flower in the Golden Vase narrates the story of the erotomaniac Ximen Qing who peddles his money and political influence to assemble a harem of six women, then resorts to tonic drugs to bolster his flagging virility, and finally comes to a horrid end after a final ejaculation of "mercury-like fluid" followed by blood and a gust of cold air...

To avoid such a Gruesome Death, the handsome protagonist of the second moralist novel of the Ming dynasty Prayer Mat of Flesh decided to become a Buddhist hermit, cut off his surgically amplified penis, and utilise his jing(life essence which is the basis of semen) for spiritual cultivation".

LOL talk about interesting Sunday afternoon reading ;)

Sunday 31 August 2008 12:35AM

2008-08-31T00:34:00.001+10:00

This post is about 1) Crisis 2) Magic Hands 3) The problem with the Heart and Pericardium Channel.

Crisis

I'm feeling major inner turmoil, and no that is not some kind of exaggeration!

I'm feeling very torn between immediate gratification to enjoy life vs. intensive suffering of sorts while I try and gain my extended professional qualification...

Ever since the doctor said my eyes are screwed due to city pollution, I've just been like SHITE! WHAT'S THE POINT?!!! cos if my eyes are already screwed in a city as clean as this, how ever will I be able to go to China for further training?!!

Magic Hands

Now I have more massage experience as both the giver and receiver I'm starting to realise...wow! I have Magic Hands! And that is true of just about any asian female with little warm hands...I've received several compliments on how I have magic hands massage wise...it occurred to me, hmmm this could potentially be a reasonably lucrative/flexible side business...great help while I struggle as a poor full-time student...the only thing is, for me, massage still has those negative and sleazy connotations...and although I seem to be good at it I'm not a comfortable touchy-feely person and plus, I don't know if I wanna be even conceptually associated with the skankier side of it which is sure to come up if you're servicing the general public in their private residence...

The Problem with the Pericardium and Heart Channels

For clinic practicum this week we covered the PC and HT channels. It was a nightmare- we did HT1(situated right in the centre of the axilla) I was rolling around and hysterical cos I am incredibly ticklish! Then we needed PC6 and HT7-YeeeowOOOuch! Oh my gosh- the girl in the next room who screamed out obscenities at the top of her lungs put it best- it was PAIN!

My left arm was fine but my right arm(which has been done twice now historically...oh my gosh, all my tendons and nerves are in the way). Mental note: nobody is allowed to needle my PC6 or HT7 on the right side ever again.

Sunday 24-08-2008 11:57PM

2008-08-24T23:57:00.000+10:00

I think I'm going insane...I want a house bunny (well actually I want a tintin dog but they're too high maintenance). And I really want to go to Thailand. Just because.

Only 826 days to go...

Friday 22-08-2008 9:36PM

2008-08-22T21:35:00.000+10:00

10 hour shift and I'm exhausted and feeling especially like a loser being home on a Friday night (but I have no energy for anything else :P)

Incredibly envious of all the people out having fun and being social whores. Listening to Madge's Immaculate Collection circa 1988 and stuffing face with food as consolation...

Having a lot of trouble staying focused and free of fun distractions...struggling with this rigid and relentless regime...

Saturday 16-8-08 9:57PM

2008-08-16T22:01:00.000+10:00

I knew from a very young age that I was not cut out to be a normal doctor- the blood and guts, having to cope with people dying on you every day, having to stay calm and react in critical situations.

However, perhaps some things are not so different :P

A day in the clinic full of sick people and germs...and I'm sick as a dog!

Maybe I'd be better off as a health writer...

Sunday 10-8-08 10:25PM

2008-08-10T22:25:00.000+10:00

oh...the joy of trying to understand neuromodulation...meanwhile I still don't know what a frequency is.

p.s Only 841 days to go :)

...it helps to stay positive LOL.